It's getting easier..

I guess you could say things are getting easier.
It's been since Sunday when we were given the bad news.
It wasn't until Wednesday that I was actually seen by a Dr from my OBYN's office.
It wasn't until Wednesday that she gave me pills that then put me into an official miscarriage.
On Thursday I took the last of the pills ( there were 12 ).
By Thursday afternoon, our baby was gone.
On Friday I was sadder than I was on Sunday.
And today - I don't feel any better, just more alert.

The drugs have worn off..
My mind is clear again, and it's all real.

Now we wait. We wait for my cervix to recover, we wait for our hearts to recover ( if that will ever happen ) and we wait for 12 weeks to pass before we can start trying for a baby again. Well, that's dr's orders. Technically we only have to wait 6 weeks, but afterall 12 is dr's orders.

Everything in me wants us to start trying ASAP.
But I can't even start to imagine how much it would tear me apart if something were to happen again.
If/When Brett and I get pregnant again it will be my mission to make sure that baby is 100% ok. Not making it through those 10 mths again is not an option. So I keep thinking that the best thing to do is to follow Dr's orders. Suppose our hormones will show us the way from here.

Thankfully everyone told us that losing our 1st was neither of our faults. Brett and I are both healthy and fine, sometimes this just happens to a fetus. At the end of the day our little one's Embyonic Sack wasn't forming as it should, this had nothing to do with me and nothing to do with Brett.. That little angel just wasn't the engine that could.

I can assure myself and you that next time I get pregnant I will be just as excited if not more than the last, I will not tell as many people the next time around as I did the first time around. I will wait for the 2nd trimester ( except for you bloggies of course, I'll be here talking about it, YOU KNOW THIS ). With that being said too though, we miscarried @ 13 weeks. That's the 1st week of your second trimester, that was supposed to be when we were telling the world. Apparently the world wasn't ready for a little bit of me and a little bit of him.. It wasn't ready for the most beautiful baby anyone would have ever seen, full of little wiggles and little wonders.

So now.. There's work to be done, mission statement: to make a baby by February which will have us due in October. Hey, October's a good month to be born: At least I think so (DOB: 10/5/85).