Benedryl Bonzai Burger?

Don't ask me - It just came out - and I liked the way it sounded.. Mainly because 2 Benedryl's later I am slowly falling into a exhaustion induced Coma. I look forward to a good night's sleep tonight, last night was a long night.

The last month or so finally culminated into a panic attack for the record books. Eyes wide open, chest heavy, heart beating a mile a minute I laid in my bed last night as close to a nervous breakdown as possible. My husband lay beside me, fast asleep, exhausted.. Poor thing. He works his ass off. In the office all day, tending to patients all night. I admire his dedication and hard work.. That's why I tried not to stir him while I was avoiding pulling my hair out.

I know, I know.. This doesn't sound like me.
I am a ray of sunshine.
I am the exception to the rule.
I am unharmed by turmoil.
I am rubber, things bounce off..
I am... POSITIVE, PERKY, but farrrrrr from PERFECT.

Truth be told ( but already mentioned in my before blog ) I have been a walking disaster. When my mother brought me into this world she gave me the name Michelle, to go after Marlowe. As of late Michelle as been replaced with "Ticking Time Bomb". Marlowe "Ticking time Bomb" Miller spent all night in a fit of I can't quite say what ( anger, rage, sadness, heartache, heart break, insanity, to name a few ) and then was up @ 8am to be @ work by 9.. I tip toed through the day on an hour and a half of sleep like a champ, had a heart to heart with my boss, and my mother, and then came home to share my day with B.Miller. Survey says things from here are beyond my reach.. I have no control..

Now when I say "No Control" this doesn't mean there should be cause for concern.. To break it down for you I am no longer able to put up my front. To clarify further I am in a wee bit of a depressed patch that will soon pass. My heart is not yet healed after losing something that no one on earth could understand what importance it had to me.. Well, unless you've been there before of course. So, I am going to talk more about this, privately and perhaps publicly until it all feels a little bit better. No more bottled up emotions masked by a witty joke or a quick quip. I claimed to be raw before, which I was.. There's no doubt there... But raw only to an extent that fell in my comfort zone.. What is to be considered raw now is basically a different approach to this grieving process. I AM SAD. I AM ANTI SOCIAL. BUT... I am getting better.. Slowly but surely.. I am getting better!

Until then, I'll take a few Benedryl and sleep last night off.. As a matter of fact, I am feeling better already.. I am feeling better after talking to you, getting it off my chest, you know who you are. Thank you! I just need to keep talking, and for any of you that REALLY know me you know this WONT BE AN ISSUE!