On the Turn Around

Things feel better.
Yesterday and the day before were good days.
I like where things are heading.
Now just to keep it all together.
I think I just needed some clarity.
Perhaps a dose of reality.
Things have been so perfect.
Things can never be TOO perfect.
Sometimes, shit happens.
Sometimes, shitty shit happens.
But at the end of the day, it could always be worse.

I'm heading to Virginia on Friday with my husband in tow. This is the first trip we've made there together. We have plans to have drinks with friends on friday night but other than that no plans at all.. Just going to play it by  ear, I look forward to that. I am NOT looking forward to the cold though, I know that much for sure..

Benedryl Bonzai Burger?

Don't ask me - It just came out - and I liked the way it sounded.. Mainly because 2 Benedryl's later I am slowly falling into a exhaustion induced Coma. I look forward to a good night's sleep tonight, last night was a long night.

The last month or so finally culminated into a panic attack for the record books. Eyes wide open, chest heavy, heart beating a mile a minute I laid in my bed last night as close to a nervous breakdown as possible. My husband lay beside me, fast asleep, exhausted.. Poor thing. He works his ass off. In the office all day, tending to patients all night. I admire his dedication and hard work.. That's why I tried not to stir him while I was avoiding pulling my hair out.

I know, I know.. This doesn't sound like me.
I am a ray of sunshine.
I am the exception to the rule.
I am unharmed by turmoil.
I am rubber, things bounce off..
I am... POSITIVE, PERKY, but farrrrrr from PERFECT.

Truth be told ( but already mentioned in my before blog ) I have been a walking disaster. When my mother brought me into this world she gave me the name Michelle, to go after Marlowe. As of late Michelle as been replaced with "Ticking Time Bomb". Marlowe "Ticking time Bomb" Miller spent all night in a fit of I can't quite say what ( anger, rage, sadness, heartache, heart break, insanity, to name a few ) and then was up @ 8am to be @ work by 9.. I tip toed through the day on an hour and a half of sleep like a champ, had a heart to heart with my boss, and my mother, and then came home to share my day with B.Miller. Survey says things from here are beyond my reach.. I have no control..

Now when I say "No Control" this doesn't mean there should be cause for concern.. To break it down for you I am no longer able to put up my front. To clarify further I am in a wee bit of a depressed patch that will soon pass. My heart is not yet healed after losing something that no one on earth could understand what importance it had to me.. Well, unless you've been there before of course. So, I am going to talk more about this, privately and perhaps publicly until it all feels a little bit better. No more bottled up emotions masked by a witty joke or a quick quip. I claimed to be raw before, which I was.. There's no doubt there... But raw only to an extent that fell in my comfort zone.. What is to be considered raw now is basically a different approach to this grieving process. I AM SAD. I AM ANTI SOCIAL. BUT... I am getting better.. Slowly but surely.. I am getting better!

Until then, I'll take a few Benedryl and sleep last night off.. As a matter of fact, I am feeling better already.. I am feeling better after talking to you, getting it off my chest, you know who you are. Thank you! I just need to keep talking, and for any of you that REALLY know me you know this WONT BE AN ISSUE!

Teen Mom 2, what a joke!

Does anyone else watch that show and become livid?
I have to admit, once I turn the show on I can't turn it off!
I get sucked into it like it's TV crack.
I watched for a while last night.
The new season of young mom's are just as clueless as the last, with an exception of a  few.
I feel for the mom with the twins, I can't imagine what it would be like to find out there was something wrong with your beautiful baby.
I feel for the moms who are dying to rebuild relationships with their baby daddies..
I DO NOT feel for the mom ( that little bitch Janelle ) who are completely clueless as to the gift of life they've been given. While I understand she is young, dumb, and irresponsible I have witnessed women excel as single mothers. Single young mothers at that. It's not fair to pardon her behavior because she's young. The partying, the defiance, the blatant drug use, the scantily clad outbursts. I mean really... This is why you are not fit to be a mother. This is why YOUR mother is willing take responsibility for YOUR child.

MTV, thank you for depicting what it is like to be a young parent, thank you for showing other teens that it's no easy task, but please... Take that girl off TV before I drive to wherever she is so I can sit down with her and tell her just how lucky she is to have a beautiful baby..

It's in the moments like this where I get angry..
Angry for the people who less deserve to be a parent.
I have these moments.
But other than that things are starting to get back to normal.
Even Brett told me the other day that I am starting to go back to me.
Let me tell you this adventure has been tough.
I really lost myself in this, things got dark..
It leads me to believe that when we do actually get pregnant and successfully birth one of the cutest children known to man, we should be prepared for an emotional roller coaster after the fact.. Apparently my chemicals are off balance and when it comes time to even them out things will get a little mental. But hey, it's natural. Comes with the territory.. and I'll take it! I keep my fingers crossed that with in the next month or so we'll conceive. Keep your fingers crossed too!

A zodiac shift?

Remember a few months ago when I was oozing over Zodiac signs and what not. I was trying to identify with being a Libra and blah blah blah..


Well now I'm thrown a curve ball, apparently I am no longer a Libra. I play for the Virgo team? WTF? What if I don't want to be a Virgo? Phew I can't wait for all this to pass, it has to be a crock of shit right?


2011 For a Virgo:
You are very clever and have original ideas, you have a liking for scientific occupations. You are very much freedom loving and will change occupations very often. You may be a bit stubborn at times and others would have difficulty getting along with you. You are likely to be involved in noble deeds. During this period, you will be extremely happy and some auspicious ceremony could also take place in your family. Your income will increase and your contact with senior or government authorities will improve. By dint of your skill, you would be able to handle even adverse situation. Family happiness is assured for you. You may be interested in philosophy ormetaphysics. An absolutely perfect state of mind is also guaranteed in this period.


2011 For a Libra:
The conjunction of venus and uranus gives you good charishma and makes you romantic. You may have unusual and original ideas about art and love. You will be independent and enjoy financial advantages. You will be very optimistic and able to inspire others. You are also likely to be very lucky. You are very vigorous and have strong vitality and are very firm about your beliefs.


Judging by all this hoopla I am sticking with being a libra, no matter what all this bullshit is about. I think everyone should go ahead and stick with what they've known for the better part of their lives. No no No, I am not opposing change, I oppose all of us being fed a bunch of bullshit. From here on out, I hit the ignore button on the New Zodiac signs... I'm a FLIPPIN' Libra. 

It's the Smaller things, that suck!

The Bissell Rewind - Works wonders with Animals!

I remember in years before when I would think about buying things for myself I would immediately think of material things, clothes, shoes, jewelry, a new over priced purse. Nowadays when I think about splurging I consult with my PID (Partner in Domestication) and we plan on what we intend to buy. Coffee table, plants for the front yard, holiday decor, speaker system for the bedroom, and most recently a Vacuum. 

When I actually go to buy something for myself I think it over thoroughly before going forward with the purchase. Yes those shoes are cute, but do I REALLY need them. Oh my god, I'd love to have a new pair of jeans from Express, but I can get a perfectly good pair from work and at a better price. Kate Spade has beautiful new styles of purses this season, but I have 4+ perfectly good Coach purses that I don't use enough. Needless to say when it's all said and done with I normally walk away empty handed ( or keep checking back until the items I want are on super clearance so I can grab them for a steal ). 

It's interesting how the important things shift from each stage of life to the next... I'm thinking the next time I feel to splurge a little I am going to head down to the local craft store. I feel like I need more of an artistic outlet. My blog is doing wonders, getting on here and typing away is such a form of relief but I think I need more. I need a hobby, I need something to keep me occupied. Something other than my TV set. I think I am going to start painting Still Lifes. Giggle at me, it's ok, I don't mind. I think it'll be fun, I think it'll be calming. That's the hobby idea of the week, it may change next. Either way I am determined to fulfill this need for artistic expression.. I can see Brett and I's house being covered in my rookie artwork, at least he'll support me in my artistic endeavors. But how do I bribe him into coming to Michael's with me to walk the aisles for hours in search of the perfect hobby? Ideas? 

someone shoot me

Today is not starting off on a good foot.
My iPhone is officially iFucked.
And to top it off, I got my period.
I don't feel like being nice to anyone today.
Brett reminds me that now we'll better know where I'm at in my cycle.
He also reminds me that my body must have needed a little more time.
Thanks for the support babe, BUT:
I want to be pregnant NOW!
Back to the phone-fuck-up.
I want to throw my beloved iPhone against a wall.
Screaming, pulling my hair I'd run away and pretend I didn't do it.
How the phone screwed up in the first place is beyond me.
If you need me, don't bother.
I wouldn't answer even if I had a phone that worked.
I feel THAT ugly today.
Good luck to those who have to come in contact with me.
It may not be pretty.

ROLOver Honey

Night before last Brett and I got all tucked into bed with good TV and both of us with our treat of choice. All bundled up warm and cozy we drifted off into TVLand, chomping on Airheads and Rolos. Eventually we went from TVLand to Dreamland and so the evening went.

In the early hours of Monday morning I awoke to Brett shifting for comfort therefore rolling in a new direction. While doing so I felt him peel something from my rear... Shortly after that I heard " Aw... Babe!" I woke up, but not completely. " You dropped a Rolo in bed and then it melted on your butt!" ( silence ).

I don't think I said anything in response, like I said I woke up but not completely so I just drifted away again. When I woke up I replayed what had happened hours earlier and giggled to myself. If only I had rolled over to see Brett's face. He probably had this little grin, he was probably thinking to himself " Look at what I married.."

I get out of bed, I head downstairs for Breakfast with the hubby and we go along with our normal routine. When we head upstairs to do laundry, get ready for work, etc I turned my backside to Brett at one point.. Upon doing so Brett says to me " There's chocolate ALL over your ass.. You're a mess.." I quickly dash to the bathroom to take a peak, low and behold my toosh is covered in melted chocolate. Awesome. I win the award for being a big slob and I am embarrassed in my own house. Awesome.

We go on with our day.

While at work yesterday I started thinking to myself how on earth could that have happened. I mean, there's the obvious: I dropped a Rolo in bed... But then how did it manage to smash it'self allover my Ass? So I come up with this brilliant scenario: Brett and I were spooning and somehow we managed to kick up this Rolo in between us then we smooshed it and it melted from our body heat.

End of story. Case closed.

I come home from work, Brett tells me he's been doing laundry all day ( yes I know, my husband is perfect ) and that the sheets are still in the dryer. I ask him why the sheets needed to be washed and he informs me that I had managed to get chocolate and caramel ALL OVER the sheets. So not only my person but now our bed sheets... Basically, I fail.. But the Rolo's we're SO GOOD!

Auntie Flow, are you a NO SHOW?

I'm confused.. My body is confused..
Perhaps that's why the Dr's tell you: Wait 6 weeks before getting back on the saddle as your body will need some time to recover. What they REALLY meant to say is: stuff is going to be all sorts of weird for awhile, you may get a period you may not.. Your boobs might hurt every day, but they might not. You will gain and loose weight here -n-there but who knows what the means. You might be an emotional hormonal disaster, but yet again, who really knows.

Big Red

Code Red

On the Rag

Weeping Womb

Crimson Tide

Arts and Crafts Week @ Panty Camp

Some of the girls I work with have been talking about their cycles starting, cramps, upset tummy's, huge boobs, you name it.. In the past some of us have been on the same cycle. Which as you can imagine makes for  QUITE the CHIPPER group of mall employees. So when this cycle came along and all the ladies were complaining about natures curse I thought to myself, should I be back on the chain gang with them?

Riding the Cotton Cowboy

Wounded Clam

Dracula's Tea Bag

Flying the Red Flag

Leak Weak

Anywho, let me clarify that I am not begging for a week of bloody hell, literally.. All I am saying is that I would love some clarity as to where I am at in MY cycle.

Don't get me wrong, Brett and I are enjoying practicing in the baby making department, but it's always nice to know whether or not you're taking a shot in the dark as far as where you fall in your monthly routine. To add to that, my poor husband keeps on giving me this "Stay away from me Wild Woman" look which leads me to believe that he's starting to think I am using him only to procreate. There is fact and fiction to that, you and I both know this.. But I can assure you, even though he wont admit it, he LOVES the fact that things are heating up in the Miller boudoir :0) Even though I think he's starting to get a little bit tired. 

Shark Bait

taking Carrie to Prom

Old faithful

Out of Order

Red Letter Days

Sailing Old Rusty