Pulling from Positive Resources

About A Libra: Libras are first and foremost focused on other's and how they relate to them. Libra's do not like to be alone and are always in search of Partnership! For a Libra, everything is done better if it's done in a pair. Libras are good when they are paired up because they are the epitome of balance, they work in harmony and have a fair sense of play. While they are true team players at work, their favorite partnership is at home; marriage. Libra's feel most complete when they are coupled up with their lover, forever. 

Libra's want to stay on an even keel, Libras are objective, and want to do what's best for everyone. Libra's are keen strategists, they organize groups and get the job done with great poise. Libra's are ruled by Venus. Venus was a smooth seductress who was at her best amid pleasurable excess. Libra's are certainly carrying Venus' torch today, Libras are refined, cultured and have a love for beautiful things. Most of all they love beautiful people, which is why Libra's do so well at cocktail parties, at the theater, or other social gatherings around the arts. Those born under this sign always have the right thing to say and know how to make others feel comfortable. Suave? You BET!  

Oh yes it's ladies night and I feel alright - Yeah!

Friday night I finally hit the town with my girlfriends. It felt so good to get out of the house and to live a little. I felt, human again..

ROLOver Honey

Night before last Brett and I got all tucked into bed with good TV and both of us with our treat of choice. All bundled up warm and cozy we drifted off into TVLand, chomping on Airheads and Rolos. Eventually we went from TVLand to Dreamland and so the evening went. In the early hours of Monday morning I awoke to Brett shifting for comfort therefore rolling in a new direction. While doing so I felt him peel something from my rear... Shortly after that I heard " Aw... Babe!" I woke up, but not completely. " You dropped a Rolo in bed and then it melted on your butt!" ( silence ). I don't think I said anything in respond, like I said I woke up but not completely so I just drifted away again. When I woke up I replayed what had happened hours earlier and giggled to myself. If only I had rolled over to see Brett's face. He probably had this little grin, he was probably thinking to himself " Look at what I married.." I get out of bed, I head downstairs for Breakfast with the hubby and we go along with our normal routine. When we head upstairs to do laundry, get ready for work, etc I turned my backside to Brett at one point.. Upon doing so Brett says to me " There's chocolate ALL over your ass.. You're a mess.." I quickly dash to the bathroom to take a peak, low and behold my toosh is covered in melted chocolate. Awesome. I win the award for being a big slob and I am embarrassed in my own house. Awesome. We go on with our day. While at work yesterday I started thinking to myself how on earth that could've happened. I mean, there

Obsessed with Ovulation and Fertilization

INTERESTING:

Last period started on Jan-11-2011.
Number of cycle days is 28.

Result

Your next ovulation will most likely occur on Tuesday, Jan-25-2011.

Your fertile days are between Saturday, Jan-22-2011 and Thursday, Jan-27-2011.

If you get pregnant during this cycle, your due day would be Tuesday, Oct-18-2011.

If you do not get pregnant this time, your next 6 cycles are:

Cycle	Ovulation Day	Fertile Days	Due Date
1	Tuesday, Feb-22-2011	Feb-19-2011 to Feb-24-2011	Tuesday, Nov-15-2011
2	Tuesday, Mar-22-2011	Mar-19-2011 to Mar-24-2011	Tuesday, Dec-13-2011
3	Tuesday, Apr-19-2011	Apr-16-2011 to Apr-21-2011	Tuesday, Jan-10-2012
4	Tuesday, May-17-2011	May-14-2011 to May-19-2011	Tuesday, Feb-07-2012
5	Tuesday, Jun-14-2011	Jun-11-2011 to Jun-16-2011	Tuesday, Mar-06-2012
6	Tuesday, Jul-12-2011	Jul-09-2011 to Jul-14-2011	Tuesday, Apr-03-2012

Been having a HELLUVA good time!

Can I just start by saying the last couple weeks I have felt more like myself than I have in MONTHS!
I have to admit I have been having a little bit too much fun for my own good, but I can honestly say that I am happy. The days of coming home from work and plastering myself to the couch are over, I have rediscovered my social life and I intend to continue to do so.

My husband and I both are on a mission to better ourselves mentally & physically.. I chose to marry a man with a metabolism of a 12 year old boy, and the drive of any world leader so I must say he is well on his way as far as his journey. I on the other hand ( although I am socially thriving per-say ) have myself going in the right direction but it's not as easy of a task for me.

Brett got me ZUMBA for Valentine's Day and I absolutely love it.. Love it to the point that when I came home from a TOO long day at the mall I popped in the DVD and started going to town... Tired or not, I want to Zumba.. I'm on a mission to get myself down a pant size, or two ( nothing crazy )! The struggle factor comes in the eating right department.. I am a meat and potato's kind of girl.. Cutting out the carbs is quite a task for me but I am trying.. and that's what counts.

I flip through old pictures I am tagged in on facebook and that's where I find my goal weight, inspiration etc.. (obviously not from the photo's where i am a case of beer deep and dancing on bars, but you know what i mean). I want to feel beautiful.. I want to love my body.. and therefor love myself a little bit more. I want the air of confidence that has been lost over the years for a variety of reasons. I have myself to blame for that, not just all the fuckwits and shitty friends that have built this disastrous pile of girl.. marlowe

There's a Baby Hanging Out of Me~!

I'd like to thank my Cervix for being an overachiever.
I went to my 36 week check up yesterday ( at 35w 6d ) expecting for my cervical exam to be rather boring.

And then he was 2.

My oldest turned 2 on the 13th of January.
My little bundle of newborn smell is now a terrible two year old... There's so much truth to that saying. Sometimes I feel like someone has replaced my little boy with an alien. But then he looks at me, and in those big brown eyes I see my little guy & I sigh... Thank heavens, he's in there somewhere. This shall pass, each phase does, one more trying than the phase before, and so on. But this is parenthood, and I wouldn't trade it.

Our 1st snow fell yesterday since moving here to Travelers Rest. It was beautiful, almost magical like I was a younger person. I didn't see snow for the first time until later in life, so perhaps that childhood excitement is still alive inside of me. Teo loved it, Emma loved it, it was wonderful. A touch difficult to get Teo back inside from playing in the " s'noooo ", but a great time. When Brett got home from work we were finally able to stand at the window and watch our 1st snow fall as a family. Right then and there, and for the very first time, Teo said " Happy ".

My heart skipped.
Sang.
Danced.
and felt warm.

My little boy, for the first time ever, and in the most perfect moment told us he was a happy little boy.
I couldn't ask for anything more.

I've been busy....

and Missing in Action.
and I'm Sorry.

Life called, it needed me to stop in to pay a little more attention.
Guess I had been cruising on Auto-Pilot & a few things were falling through the cracks.
I put on the breaks, slowed down a little bit.

Sometimes you have to do that.
Think I've got a better grasp on things.

Life. If you don't slow down, you'll miss it.
This shit is happening fast... I mean REALLY fast.
I want to smell everything, taste everything, feel everything.

Suppose when I was on Auto Pilot I wasn't doing much of that.
Had been going through the motions, but wasn't really FEELING it all.

Everything outside of my kids of course.
You all know that.
Those little people are my life - But my life entails more than them.

I have a partner.
an extended Family.
a Home.
a Life.
All things that also need my loving attention.

The holidays are here...
So much to be thankful for, so much to celebrate, so many merry merry memories to relish upon.
Life is good.
Life tastes, smells, feels good.

and I'm focused.
and I'm present.
and I'm trying.
and I'm getting better.
and I'm growing.
and I'm falling in love, again.
and I'm listening.
and I'm hoping.
and I'm holding on.

and I'm loved, and super duper lucky.

The 2nd one always goes faster...

Emma, a force to reckoned with!

She's moving at Turbo Speed!
She watches her brother's every move and learns from it.
Days later she's trying to do the same herself.

Emma turned 7 months old on Tuesday.
She's:
Crawling
Standing
Cooing
Singing
( Not sleeping )
And heading in the direction of taking her first steps.

She's goofy, and flirty - Wonder where she got that from?

But really,
it's all happening SUPER fast.
She needs to slow down.
She's my last baby, and I already feel like she's not much of a baby anymore.

Gee whiz kids.

When you were 20 months old...

I realized I've been terrible at keeping up with these little notes...
These words that could stay with you forever.
And I'm sorry, life has been busy. But that's no excuse.

On Sunday you will be 21 months old, and in January you will be 2. Then, I will no longer be able to count your age in months, you will officially be in your terrible 2's, and my baby will be farther-n-farther in my memories.

But today, you are still 20 months old.
Still my beautiful diaper clad little boy.
A little bit naughty, but that's ok - I like you that way.
You're finding out how to be affectionate.
And when you give me a hug and pat my back in a " Mommy you are Awesome " sort of way, it warms my heart.. Every time!
I'll remember that, until my last breath.

I love the way he smashes his nose with his sippy cup tipped straight to the sky! All efforts in, just to gulp that last sweet bit of Milk from his Sippy Cup.

I love the way when he has a boo boo, and although hurt equally as pissed, he curls over his big toe. He gives wherever hurts a little tap too, like he's so disappointed that his knee failed him when he baseball slid across the living room.. On purpose, of course. 

He absolutely lives by the saying "Dance like No Ones Watching " - The child definitely dances to the beat of his own drum. With such skill & expertise, I assume he was a dancer in a past life. A dancer of the Magic Mike persuasion. 

You've adjusted to having a little sister so beautifully.
My guilt silently still remains though.
Please forever know, that nothing has changed. It's still you and Mommy, I love you more than anything and you're still my #1. You are my first after all.

The world around us is complicated,
who really knows what it will be like when you're an adult.
The one thing I do know though, is this:
You are going to be a remarkable man.
Loving. Kind. Stubborn.
The list is endless.

I am above and beyond proud to be your mom, my little Teo.
My Favorite thing - My little boy.

Banana Yo Mama

Thursday night was a disaster.

Emma was reeling from her shots on Wednesday, and to top it off has started the early stages of teething. Even more icing on the cake - She's in the middle of a growth spurt & wants to nurse like crazy. Needless to say she slept like shit.

Teo was unsettled, woke many times through out the night, as if he was having bad dreams. I'm going to pin point it on being over tired, but I just can't tell with him. He's just not a good sleeper, it's like things easily bother him through the night. Perhaps his stomach, or dreams, or noises, or whatever it may be - He just can't seem to sleep through the night often. He's going to be 2 in January, there has to be some end in sight for these nightly interruptions, am I right?

I spent much of yesterday dragging ass around this place - I didn't feel to vacuum, fold laundry, or any of the other things I do daily to keep on top of my domestic empire. I just wanted to cry, or scream, or all of the before mentioned all at the same time. 

Because they both were so tired from their restless night, they both just bitched & whined & needed & wanted .. At more than one moment I wanted to just lock myself out on the back porch, I wanted to hide in the bathroom, I just wanted to cry or scream.

Thunder storms rolled in yesterday afternoon, and at the perfect time - Nap time! While most would think this may disturb the ever so needed nap time, it didn't. I'm convinced it soothed them, they slept for hours. And I did too, and it felt good. I needed that. 

Then last night rolls in, Daddy comes home from work. Teo's always the happiest when Daddy comes home from work, although I find he just stands at his feet whining for his attention - Which makes it super hard for Daddy to unwind after just getting home. But still, he's just so happy to see his Daddy. They played upstairs for hours, came down stairs & we played some more. While they were tucked away upstairs having them time, Emma and I sat out back on the deck. I did some much needed maintenance to my toe nails, and she just cooed. By then she had decided that she was going to be pleasant. I think she was just too tired to cry, or bitch, or moan. Ahhh ... Relief. 

Somewhere in between all of this stuff, I peeked my head outside & realized for the first time that the Little Green Man that urges my neighbors to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN was gone. He normally lives right beside my mailbox, so happily standing there making it known that I really want people to drive safer in an area full of kids! Frustrated, angry, disappointed, I took to the neighborhood Facebook page & asked that if anyone should see my Little Green Man, to please let me know and/or return him to his loving home. There's teenagers on the rampage in our quite nice & quite expensive neighborhood - They apparently think it's funny to steal a random assortment of yard ornaments, Little Green Men, etc & then they toss them in the parking lot at the pool. Thankfully, a caring citizen of Northcliff saw my Little Green Man, notified me of his location & Brett did a drive by late last night to grab him. There he was ... Standing in the parking lot between the pool & the playground, just standing there waiting for his family to find him. Poor guy. He's tucked safely in Brett's trunk until I can either chain him to my mailbox, decorate him with a sign that says " Don't fuck with my Little Green Man " or something of the like. 

Emma went down with out a hitch, Teo was up a bit later than the norm but he too went down with out a fight & then the most amazing thing happened - They both slept through the night! 

There's never a dull moment. 

I woke this morning refreshed, happy, and back to waltzing through my day as a Mommy of 2, under the age of 2, with a smile on my face. 

This was just another reminder that not everyday is perfect. Not every day is smooth. Not every day is easy. But I do it, and I love it, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I especially wouldn't trade Teo walking around this morning saying " Banana Yo Mama ".

(( And so happy Little Green Man is back where he belongs!! )) 

What does success smell like?

Success smells like popcorn popping, gasoline pumping into your tank, fresh cookies baked, your partner's musk. Success smells like Awesome.

I have to relish in the sweet smell of success .. Though, I still have work to do.

After I had Teo my step dad gave me money to go shopping for clothes. I was still so sloppy ( I'm talking about myself so it's safe to say that ) but needed a confidence boost, and he knew that. Instead of buying something I could wear at that moment I bought myself a few things that I set up in my closet as • Goal Clothes • I looked at these things, bound & determined to fit in them. As we all know, I became pregnant again & never had a chance to fit into this clothes - but I was in the process of trying when little Emma was conceived. I would try the items on & then crushed would hang them back on the hanger w/no hope in sight to wear them. 

That is until today!

2 babies later & some hard work/dedication - BAM - Mama can fit into her goal dress :) And I feel sexy, and I feel free, and I feel proud. I tried this on briefly after having Emma, it was like being in a sardine can! I again was crushed, felt defeated - but still used it as a goal. 

Now here I am! 

In the dress.

So happy.

But hungry to fit into the other things I have stashed away from my previous skinny life.

I think I can.

I think I can.

I know I can.

Lets go! 

Coffee Filter " E " Wall Monogram - DIY

I've been busy at work putting together my co-ed nursery. I have set out to do as much of it on my own as possible, pulling ideas from Magazines, Pinterest,
etc. Here's one of my first go's at the DIY thing, a Large Sized letter " E " made out of Coffee Filters - To be used as wall decor!

Things you will need:

A simple How - To:

1.) Find yourself a good size piece of Cardboard, or in my case I used a diaper box < as I have plenty of them around here >. 

2.) Draw out your letter on your Cardboard - Make sure you're font design & size leave you with plenty of surface to stick the Coffee Filters too, and for support. 

3.) Cut out your letter from the Cardboard.

4.) Start gluing Coffee Filters to Cardboard. Put pen into Coffee Filter, like pictured above. Apply glue to Coffee Filter cover tip of pen. Then stick to Cardboard. 

5.) Cover entire surface of Cardboard. Glue excess or loose pieces of Coffee Filter where need be to keep shape of Letter. 

6.) Cut 2 pieces of Ribbon that will sit at the length you want the Letter to hang when tied in a Bow.

7.) Glue each piece of Ribbon to the back of the Letter. Make sure you're patterned side of your Ribbon is facing out. 

8.) Tie Ribbon in bow & VOILA! 

Finished Product! 

 

Weigh In - 20 Weeks Postpartum

Weight: 168lbs.

Not going to go into detail.
Let's just leave it at, Mommy is losing weight!
Hallelujah!

When does a Mommy get to Nap?

So at the beginning of having 2 kids too close together it worked out perfectly, I could coax Emma easily into taking a nap by merely throwing a TeeT in her mouth. I would do this anytime Brother went down for his morning nap so I too could catch a few ZZ.s,

Nowadays Emma is totally onto me.
She has learned that although I feed her, and her tummy is full, that does not mean she is required to fall asleep immediately.

Now instead of drifting off to dreamland she smiles, coos, takes a giant shit, or that of the like.

I'm totally cool with her boycotting nap time for the main reason that she sleeps like a pro at night. However. Even though Mommy gets 8 hours of sleep a night, she still has to get up at least once for a matter of minutes with Teo & she has to get up for a matter of minutes to feed Emma at least once. So! As you can imagine, if you NEVER get an entire night of uninterrupted sleep - YOU ARE TIRED.

SO now, I have no other choice, I have to learn a different way to coax this little Diva into napping at the times of my choice. Mommy needs beauty sleep, bitches. Ain't nobody got time for Dark Circles!

Almost 14 weeks Postpartum - Weigh In

Weigh In:

178lbs

Exercise: 100 reps w/5lbs weights of arm work through our day. 100+ yoga ball crunches, lunges twice a week. 40leg lifts no weight, twice a day. 20-30mins cardio.

Work out:

Unpacking an entire house, the 30 day squat challenge, long walks with the kids & leg lifts w/lb weights

Eating Habits:

Work in progress. Smaller portions, not as many carbs & not as frequently.

Weight Loss since starting to diet/work out:

7lbs 

11 weeks Postpartum - Weigh In ( late )

Weigh In:

178lbs

Exercise: 100 reps w/5lbs weights of arm work through our day. 100+ yoga ball crunches, lunges twice a week. 40leg lifts no weight, twice a day. 20-30mins cardio.

Memorializing the past few.

Here I am on the elliptical.

Yes that could be a barf bag jimmy rigged on there for the " just in case moment "

Just got Teo down for a nap. Emma is staring at me, she doesn't know if she wants to sleep or not. 

She sleeps most of the night & takes only 1 or 2 good naps during the day. I think she should sleep a bit now while I slave away on the exercise machine .. But! You can't force a Miller child to do anything they don't want to do. 

I can't complain too much though, like I mentioned above she sleeps like a dream. A far cry from her almost 17month old brother who still sleeps poorly.

If someone ever tells you that #1 is a trial run & that by your 2nd one you'll have it better figured out ... Well, they're telling you the truth my friends.

I weighed in yesterday.

Sadly, and not sadly I weighed in at 178. That's a 1.5lb weight gain since my last weigh in.

The positive side to this is the following:

I'm turning fat into muscle & muscle weighs more.

I really ate a bunch of wonderful food while my dad was visiting so if I did in fact drive myself back up in #'s on the scale, I enjoyed myself while I did it. 

In other news:

We went & walked through the new house yesterday, and then again today with the realtor. There's some little things here & there that are in disrepair, but they assure us it will all be completed by Friday when we go to the closing table. 

<<she gave in, she's sleeping soundly in her swing>>

Gram arrives Friday to help me with my brood while we move into the new house. She's actually coming for a month & I already wish she could stay forever. Keeping my fingers crossed that Papi will decide to come for a visit during her stay. 

Super:

Nervous!

Anxious!

Antsy!

Scared!

Excited.

Etc... 

About the new house! Here's a few photos of the <NEW> Miller Compound in Greenville, South Carolina

Frustration

We were supposed to be in our new home this weekend.

Being 1st time home buyers, in this case my husband being the purchaser, is a total pain in the ass.

Hoping and praying that we have an idea by this afternoon when we will actually be  closing/moving in. 

After almost 6 weeks of staying with my mother in law, I'm quite ready to get into my own space. The stress of the situation has me over eating & over stressing.

My grandmother arrived on Friday, the day we were supposed to close on the house. She came up to help me with the kids while we unpack & such.

She too is staying at the MIL's house until we FINALLY get into the new house.

I started the 30 day squat challenge today:

50 squats later my legs burn like shit but here I am on the elliptical, tackling my cardio so I can spend the rest of my day entertaining the kiddies & enjoying my gram's company. 

Teo's entered a stage that I think would be pretty comparable to the " terrible twos " people talk about. Temper tantrums. Screaming. Teething. Throwing himself around. Embarrassing his mom in public, all of this is what his behavior entails as of late.

My stomach is grumbling.

I've had a banana for breakfast.

I want a stack of pancakes.

I will need to eat something more, I have to watch my calorie intake for breast feeding Emma. She's a hungry hippo? Mommy mustn't run low on the boob juice. 

Stomach is still grumbling.

I'm still plugging along on here.

I'm accumulating sweat in the elbow pit of the arm I have my phone in. A touch of sweat down my back, but the burning sensation in my thighs isn't unbearable. 

I need to push harder 

Sweaty, car accidents.

Both kids were screaming when I was pulling out of the garage yesterday, they had me so distracted that I backed right into the garage door as it was still opening.

Then - simultaneously both kids took massive craps in their diaper.

Yesterday was rough...

So here I am.

Plugging away on the Elliptical.

Go

Go

Go

You are a fatty mess 

Keep going.

These are the pep talks I give myself while push forward over and over again on this machine.

I want to be 21 again, minus the over drinking & total abuse of being an attractive single woman. 

I could eat anything, drink anything, could sleep all day & stay up all night and still manage to look fucking awesome. 

Anywho, enough of the same bull shit whining.

I've cranked out a crazy amount of weights today, 150 ball crunches, lunges & now I'm plowing away on the Elliptical.

Haven't weighed myself yet.

I'm scared of disappointment :-(

Someone tell me to keep going. Even if it hurts move forward.