No Title necessary...

... Because im just babbling ... I'm up late tonight. Stayed up to wish one of my oldest friends a happy birthday. She's 26 this year. As am I - but I'm not really ready to talk about that. Or maybe I am. I still have a month until my actual birthday, but that's soon enough. Or far enough away. Or however you want to look at it. I spent my 25th birthday pregnant. I'm spending my 26th birthday pregnant. In the wide spectrum of things it really makes it seem like I spent the better part of this year pregnant. But we all know that's not really how it works. This year on my pregnant birthday I have much more to celebrate. I've successfully stayed with child into the safety zone of my second trimester. I've made it through my 1st year of marriage. I made a drastic change in my professional life. And lastly I've made some big improvements to my life as a house... So why am I so melancholy about this birthday.. This 26th birthday... I guess it's because it's getting more clear that youth while still at my finger tips is not what it was before. Some of those feelings, experiences, ideas that once were so close now feel so far away. When I replay memories of my life thus far I have an overwhelming sense of satisfaction. I feel whole, like I've done everything I was supposed to do so far... I don't think I left any stone unturned, any words left unsaid, and so on.. This could be wrong. This could be my perception of things. But who's really keeping track? The only thing that scares the shit out of me is that as time goes on... As my life molds from one thing to the next... Those familiar feelings of life, freedom, first time experience, lack of responsibility, passion, laughter, -youth-, those feelings still so familiar now, will be gone forever. They'll be replaced with other more mature feelings... In growing up we morph from one version of ourselves to the next.... How can we be sure that no bits and pieces are lost along the way? Think about it that way and it kind of makes the whole idea of a birthday a bit dark, even if there is a ton to celebrate... For the time being, screw being dark. I'm going to celebrate.